all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
