I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
