And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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