I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
