Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
