Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
