Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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