Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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