im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
