i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You ruined the universe
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