Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
