I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
