Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
