also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
