It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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