eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
