There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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