my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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