so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
