I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
