I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
