I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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