I'm lost and stupid without you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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