There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
