YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
