is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
