If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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