im six kinds of drunk right now
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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