I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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