the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
