Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
