So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize