I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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