im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
