He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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