Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
