i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's great music for shaving your balls
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
