He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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