OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
