Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
