Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize