Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize