i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
