Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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