Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
