HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
