How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
