I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
