i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
