we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
