i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
