hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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