Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
