I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
