Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

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  (270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/0mbm
  Replies (20) Good night (5283) Bad night (759)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

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  (919): Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform." http://tfl.nu/nw1x
  Replies (11) Good night (5441) Bad night (936)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again

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  (979): Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again http://tfl.nu/ae74
  Replies (5) Good night (2894) Bad night (892)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying

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  (717): best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying http://tfl.nu/r0td
  Replies (15) Good night (722) Bad night (2167)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you

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  (816): i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you http://tfl.nu/on8e
  Replies (2) Good night (1875) Bad night (580)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

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  (802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5
  Replies (16) Good night (839) Bad night (2097)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping

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  (224): you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping http://tfl.nu/igay
  Replies (5) Good night (1909) Bad night (589)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.

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  (360): Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred. http://tfl.nu/7z2u
  Replies (9) Good night (447) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool

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  (919): Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool http://tfl.nu/1a3e
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.

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  (330): When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table. http://tfl.nu/dlsi
  Replies (2) Good night (850) Bad night (613)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.

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  (806): I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship. http://tfl.nu/hvwx
  Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (395)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"

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  (918): The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo" http://tfl.nu/4ubw
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you take my contact solution?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.

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  (248): you take my contact solution? (1-248): drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride. http://tfl.nu/mr4a
  Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (694)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it

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  (630): Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it http://tfl.nu/2jtg
  Replies (0) Good night (329) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month

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  (540): I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month http://tfl.nu/lnqv
  Replies (3) Good night (424) Bad night (231)

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