Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.