fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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