just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.