It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?