I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
