I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.