I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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