last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
