I just saw a hot homeless man
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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