My nipple is on Facebook.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
