she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
