why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
