Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want to make a zoo with you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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