I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
