Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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