please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize