Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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