ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
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She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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